4th of July

We had a wonderful holiday for the 4th of July. Sara was able to come up for a visit which was WONDERFUL for us and I think relaxing for her. Well, as relaxing as staying in a house with 3 rowdy boys is!

July 7th was her birthday so we celebrated early on the 3rd. Then she left for the airport and guess what she left behind? That whole giant cake! And I swear I ate the whole thing. If you know me at all, you know my weakness for cake. Next time if you see me and I'm looking a little bit pudgy, you'll know why!

We were able to meet up at Cracker Barrel with my wonderful grandparents. They have been married for forever!! And the love they have for each other just warms my heart. Grammy has been dealing with Alzeimers for a few years so the burden of everything has fallen on Grampy's shoulders. He is such an awesome man! He cooks, cleans and does the laundry! Sorry ladies, he's taken!!

Grammy doesn't really remember us, but she loves babies! She had a good time holding Cameron. And don't you think Cameron and Grampy kind of look alike??

This picture just makes me laugh. I mean, doesn't everyone make this face when someone says SMILE!!

The Taming of the Two: Part 4

If you missed the earlier posts in this series, click below!
Introduction
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3

Okay, here's what we've talked about so far....in order to survive the wild world of twos, you need to do a couple of things. First, you need to anticipate bad behavior. It WILL happen and it WON'T be pretty. But things don't have spiral out of control if you make a plan as to how you're going to deal with this misbehavior, preferably before it happens. Third, don't take their misbehavior personal. It's not about you, it's about them getting what they want, no matter the cost. Fourth, when the going gets tough and the misbehavior abounds, find something positive to focus on. These positive thoughts will be like life rafts that you need to cling to in order to survive.

In the final two segments of Taming your Two, I wanted to talk about two other strategies I like to use with my twos. The first is Alpha Speech.

Alpha Speech
This is a strategy that I have found so helpful! I got this from two of my favorite parenting experts, John Rosemond and Kevin Leman. They both have a lot of great books out there that I highly recommend!

The idea of Alpha Speech is this: If you don't talk to your children like you expect them to obey, they probably won't. Here's an example of what I'm talking about:

Non-Alpha Speech:

Mother: "Now Grace, I've told you three times that I need you to put on your shoes. Would you please put on your shoes sweetie?"
Grace: NO!
Mother: "Grace, Mommy is in a big hurry and we can't go anywhere if you don't have any shoes on. Why don't you want to wear your shoes?
Grace: I DON'T LIKE THEM!!
Mother: "I know you don't like them, Grace, probably because you have bunyans on your feet just like me, but Mommy needs you to put them on."
Grace: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Mother: Grace, you don't talk to your Mommy that way. Now will you please let me put your shoes on?
Grace: NO!

This could go on for days. If you notice Grace is getting a whole lot of attention from her mother. Although she is having to misbehave, Grace doesn't care because she is in it for the attention, whether positive or negative. Now, here's the same scenario using Alpha Speech.

Alpha Speech

Mother: Grace, please put your shoes on.
Grace: No, I won't!
Mother: If you will not put your shoes on, then I will put them on for you. Just know that if I put them on you, you will not get to ride on the pony at Meijer. (Then the mom walks away.)

Grace's mom in the first example is talking to Grace more like a buddy than as a parent talks to a child. You will notice that she asks Grace to do something. I don't know about your two, but Owen's favorite word is NO! So, anything I ask him I can pretty much guarantee unless it has to do with a chocolate bar, he is going to say NO! Whereas in the second example, the mom does not ask the child to put on her shoes, she tells her to. This communicates to Grace that this is not a democracy. She is expected to put on her shoes. It is a parents job to lead the child, not the other way around.

In the first example, the mom stays by the daughter, pleading with her to put her shoes on. Who's in control at this point? It's Grace! The mom is at the mercy of whether Grace will say yes or no. In the second example, the mom puts out the expectation and also puts out a consequence if Grace doesn't obey and then she walks away. The mom has shown that she is in control of the situation, not Grace. Grace can throw a fit and scream and cry, but her mom will be no where around to see it. Kinda takes the fun out of throwing a fit, huh?

Alpha speech is all about talking to your children like you are in charge of them. You might not feel like you are running the show most of the time but you need to demonstrate to them that you are. Talk to them like you expect them to obey. Set the standard high. It may take some practice on their part but I believe that eventually they will become compliant. Kevin Leman even goes as far as to say that telling your kids your expectations over and over demonstrates to your children that you think they are stupid. Wow!

So, next time you need your two to do something, try out Alpha Speech. Hopefully you will find it as helpful as I have.

Taming the Two: Part 3

If you missed the earlier posts in this series, click below!
Introduction
Part 1
Part 2

If you have an easy going child, the twos may not be a big deal. You might have a few bumps along the road but the road is basically smooth. If you have a child who in any way resembles a strong-willed child, you better put on your seat belt because it may be a rough ride! And that's why I'm writing this, for all of us who have those "spirited" twos.

It's not you; it's me.

At this point, I want to take a time out and say to all those parents who are frustrated with their twos....it's not you!!!! You might be thinking you are the worst parent in the world or if only you spent more time with them, they would act better. I want you to remember the way they are acting is no reflection on you. This is a hard age for even the easy going children. All of us are going to feel like failures when it comes to raising our twos but if we can somehow separate our self-worths from actions of our children, I think we will be happier. Just because you have well-behaved children who do no wrong doesn't make you any better than anyone else.

I used to be so upset about the way Owen acted because I thought that everyone was looking down on me. And maybe they were. But in reality, he is his own person and he is learning how to be a good citizen, he just chooses to take the harder roads to get there! That's just who he is and if I deny him that, it's unfair to him. He is not as easy-going as Preston so to expect him to act the same way as Preston is just going to bring heartache. So let's just take ourselves off the hook.

Look for the Positives

When your child is misbehaving, it can be torture. You just want to shake them and say "Why do you have to act like this??" One of the tactics I like to do is to watch out for positives within a bad situation. I know this is WAY easier said than done. Sometimes there are no positives to be found. And other times, the positives hit you square in the face like this:

Remember the spaghetti throwing incident I had with Owen recently? Well, while I was upstairs talking to Owen, a little helper was at work downstairs. I came downstairs feeling a little frazzled and I see Preston standing by the table with a cheesy grin on his face. "I took care of it," he said. Took care of what? Then I looked down and the spaghetti was gone! "What did you do with it?" I said as my heart rate began to climb. "I vacuumed it up!" he said as he held our new dustbuster in his hand. At this point, my heart was about to burst with love for this little 4 year old who stepped in and did something in order to make his old mom feel better. As I cleaned out the dustbuster, all I felt was love for my children and the creations that God has made them. Gone were my feelings of frustration. So, if you can, look for positive moments with your children that will bring you encouragement to replace your frustrations with them.

**During this series, I would love for people to comment on their experiences with their two year olds whether it's been 20 years since you've parented them or just yesterday. I think we can all encourage each other! So if you have funny stories or tips, bring em on!**

Taming of the Two: Part 2

If you missed the beginning of this series, click on the links below:
Introduction
Part 1

Last time we talked about how important it was to anticipate your two's actions before they act them out.

Make a plan.

Once you have thought through several scenarios of your child breaking one of your top five rules, you need to come up with an appropriate punishment. You might be great at thinking on the fly, but I believe that most punishments are more effective when they have been thought through. Hopefully I'm not the only one that has said this "If you do that again, you will never get to go outside and play!!! EVERR!!!" Now, even though your kid is two, he's not stupid. He knows you can't enforce that. So, you've wasted a teaching opportunity by making an empty threat.

Instead, you can plan ahead of time on what you will do when they misbehave. Say to yourself "okay, I know that the past 7 times I have given Gordon a bath, he has splashed me in the face and I find that disrespectful and disrespectful actions are one of my top five." What might be a good way to deal with his dis-respectfulness? What about making him go to bed 15 minutes early? Maybe your child is younger and wouldn't understand that so you can just decide that bath time is over right when they misbehave. So when bath time comes, you tell Gordon that you expect him not to splash you and if he does, bath time will be over and he will go to bed 15 minutes early. SPLASH! Gordon splashes you right in the face and you are drenched. Instead of screaming at him like you have done the past 7 times, you can pick him up out of the bath and say "Okay, Gordon, I warned you and you did not listen. Bath time is now over and you will be going to bed early." Don't worry that you haven't washed his hair or cleaned him, just give him a bath the next night. In the end, there is no need to even raise your voice. But I guarantee you, they will be so surprised by your actions that you don't need to raise your voice. Remember: actions speak louder than words. And even without the yelling, you will still be effective at teaching them a lesson.

Back to my story about Owen's spaghetti tossing schenanigans. He thought he had gained the upper hand by demonstrating how much he DID NOT want his food. Then, he saw the look on my face. I was not happy. But I didn't yell or scream at him. I had decided a while back that yelling or screaming would be giving him attention that he craved. You would think 2's wouldn't want attention if it was negative, but with Owen I have found the opposite is true. He doesn't care if the attention is negative or positive. It's attention and he LOVES it! I have found that when I march him right upstairs and put him in his crib for 10 minutes or so, that is the ultimate punishment for him. He does not want to be away from the family. He does not want to be alone. He will cry the whole ten minutes, which can be hard to listen to, but I know in the end that he needs to learn a lesson. After the ten minutes were up, I went into his room and made him say he was sorry. I don't consider this a heart-felt thing but I want my children to be in the habit of admitting when they have done wrong and asking for forgiveness. He was then able to go back downstairs and rejoin society.

So, remember, in order to tame your two year old, anticipate that they will misbehave, but be prepared with an appropriate plan of action (punishment) and you will have won!

Part 3: It's not about you...it's about them.

**During this series, I would love for people to comment on their experiences with their two year olds whether it's been 20 years since you've parented them or just yesterday. I think we can all encourage each other! So if you have funny stories or tips, bring em on!**

Taming the Two: Part 1

If you missed the introduction to this series: click here

Anticipation is your biggest weapon.

Today could have been one of those days where I would have put in my two weeks notice without a few tweaks in my thinking. Lunch time was a disaster. I made spaghetti for lunch because we had some leftover past sauce to use up. Now I know that Owen does not like spaghetti. He does not like anything that resembles real food. And noodles are no different. The only noodles he will eat are the ones that come in the Kraft mac and cheese box. You would think a noodle is a noodle, right? Well, you would be mistaken. Apparently noodles in the form of strings are toxic to a certain two year old.

Now former Stacy would have dutifully made Owen a peanut butter sandwich just to keep him happy. But new and improved Stacy has decided that Owen needs to eat what the rest of us are eating. So, I happily place the bowls of spaghetti in front of both of the boys. Preston says "yes! I love spaghetti!" Owen takes one look at the spaghetti, yells "don't want it!!" and swipes his arm across the tray and the spaghetti goes FLYING!!!

At this point, I normally would have screamed at Owen because I would have been so flabberghasted that he would actually do something like this. But this past year, I have learned to anticipate. Anticipate the worst thing Owen might do so I can be ready if he does do the worst thing. I have only come by this after being embarrassed or upset so many times that I had to stop and say okay I need to deal with this differently. I know it goes against our grain as parents to think about the bad things are children do or might do because we want think of them as angels. But I would say if you refuse to think about your children misbehaving, then you are going to be ill-equipped to deal with them when they do misbehave. And they will misbehave. Some don't blossom until later, but I have never met a child that has never misbehaved.

Take some moments when you have a chance and start thinking about areas that are important to you and your spouse as you raise your child. Perhaps having a child that doesn't talk back is a big deal in your home. Maybe table manners are going to be very important to you. Whatever the issues might be, I would sit down and make a list of your "Top Five Biggies." Then I would start thinking through scenarios of possible misbehavior. If your big issue is talking back, know they WILL talk back to you. They will get a look on their face and say "NO!" to you. It's not enough to just hope that your child is a good enough kid that they would never cross you; you need to plan on the fact they will cross you.

Next time: Make a Plan!!

**During this series, I would love for people to comment on their experiences with their two year olds whether it's been 20 years since you've parented them or just yesterday. I think we can all encourage each other! So if you have funny stories or tips, bring em on!**

Intro: The Taming of the Two

I am going to be doing something special on the blog in the next few weeks! I am going to be writing a series entitled "Taming of the Two." It dawned on me that because I have three kids and will probably have another (not anytime soon!!) I will have to endure the "terrible twos" a total of 4 times. Whew! The thought of that is enough to make me want to go take a nap. But then I thought, by the end of it, maybe I will just have to write a book instead.

I thought it would be fun to share what I've learned so far dealing with this "special" age. The age I'm referring to can range anywhere from 1 1/2 years to 3 years old, so it includes the twos but it can also include younger children as well. I'm going to say upfront that I do not consider myself an expert by any means. I'm just a mom who is passionate about making parenting the easiest it can be for me! That's right...bet you weren't expecting such a lazy response. But isn't that really what we're all looking for? A better, easier way to do things? I know I am.

The Wild

Imagine that you are a lion trainer at the zoo. If you were working with the lions, you wouldn't tame them the same way you would tame the penguins. Why? Because in the core of their being they are lions, not penguins. Lions are rough and tumble, they get what they want even if they have to bite you to get it....hmmm that sounds familiar!!

At the core of every two year old is the desire to get what they want, no matter what the cost; even if it means they have to bite you to get it. It can be a tough thing to see your child go from the cooing, smiling infant to a toddling creature that screams, pull hair and throws themselves on the floor for no apparent reason. But that's the stage. To ask anything more of them would be like asking a lion to waddle around like a penguin. Ain't gonna happen, baby! That's why it is so important to brush up on your coping skills so you can survive this tumultuous time. When you think of parenting your two year old, try thinking of it not as disciplining him but as taming him. You will not be able to get out all the crazy but hopefully you will be able to manage the crazy when it happens.

Congratulations, you have now entered the Wild with your two-year old. I am going to try and help you make sure you make it out alive!!

**During this series, I would love for people to comment on their experiences with their two year olds whether it's been 20 years since you've parented them or just yesterday. I think we can all encourage each other! So if you have funny stories or tips, bring em on!**

Whew!

I'm having a hard time coming up with stuff to write since I'm still pretty emotionally drained from this past month so I thought I would post some pictures that show that life does not wait for anyone!

Owen has been into EVERYTHING lately. Now that he can pull chairs up and climb, he is on a mission; to ruin my life. I have to check on him every 5 minutes like he's a baby because I never know what he might be getting into next. There has been spilled cereal (twice), spilled orange juice (the whole pitcher), holes in all of our bread (which is what he is doing here), spilled flour and deodarant that was clawed out of the container. Wow. That's all I can say. Wow.

Who doesn't love the Slip N Slide?

I have a picture similar to this one of Preston and Owen. I can't believe how much Cameron looks like Owen did. It's because Cameron has lost all of his hair due to the stress of living in our house. I can soooo relate.

The Childrens museum where the boys were able to live it up. It's one of their favorite places to go in Indy. Below they go to meet Dora. I think Owen was more excited about meeting Boots.