The Big 3-0

I'm almost 30. Yikes. I never thought I would make it to 30. I'm not really sure what I thought would happen to me, but I could never really picture what I would look like, who I would be married to, etc. when I was little. I think I just always thought I would stay young. The good thing is that I still feel young and I still look like I'm 13! I have heard that 30 is the new 20! Let's hope that is the case.

In honor of the 30 years I've been alive, I wanted to write 30 things that I love.

30 things I absolutely LOVE:

1. Spanx. These delightful undergarmets can take a jiggly stomach and make it look like a six pack with very little effort. They used to be called girdles, but now they have the super cool name Spanx so you don't have to feel like your grandma if you wear one. Now breathing while wearing spanx, that is another story.

2. Air conditioning. How we lived without air conditioning while growing up is still a mystery. We must have smelled so bad. Now I can't go outside for more than 5 minutes before I'm sweating and smell like a dead animal.

3. Minivans. I didn't want to transition to the "mom-o-mobile" but now that I have, I couldn't go back! So much more room for the kids to spill and make messes! It's like a second home to clean.

4. Dustbusters. When I was younger, it was one of our chores to vacuum the basement stairs with this handy little gadget. I didn't appreciate it then, but I do now! I now don't have to get out the giant vacuum to clean up little messes. And who knew you can vacuum up a whole bowl of spaghetti that has been thrown on the floor? I didn't but I'm sure glad I know that now!!

5. Dogs (other people's). I am not really a dog lover so it is convenient that I am also allergic. It gives me a great excuse to tell the kids why we can't have our own. But I LOVE watching my kids with other people's dogs. They get their dog fix and then I'm long gone when their dog eats their dining room table or barfs all over the floor. I have kids who can barf all over the floor...I don't need a dog to do that.

6. Hulu. I love this website where I can go and watch episodes that air on cable that I don't get to see. I can get my HGTV or Food Network groove on now whenever I want...for free!!

7. Facebook. I love to be able to spy on people without them knowing that I am spying! It satisfies a deep curiousity within me!

8. Old friends. This past year I connected with my best friend from childhood thanks to Facebook. It has been so fun to reconnect with her and to find out she has 3 boys just like me!! She is about to have her 4th baby though and this one is a girl. I hope I have as good of luck as she has!

9. New friends. I get really scared when I have to meet new people but when I click with someone new, I love that! In the past few years, we have gotten to meet a lot of great people who have become very close friends.

10. No more dating. It is such a relief to go from a dating couple to a married couple. No more showing off. Now, what you see is what you get. You go from sharing romantic dinners over candlelight to popping each other's zits or clipping each other's toenails. Why am I thankful for this you might ask? Because I get to do life with my best friend. A friend who has pledged to be with me for life. Someone who loves me for me.

11. Mom jeans. Mom jeans exist as proof to me that I am way cooler than my mom was at 30! Now if you see me sporting stonewash jeans clear up to my bellybutton, I give you permissions to call me a loser.

12. Fannypacks. See #11.

13. Authentic people. Whoa. I know I just got super serious after just saying that I am thankful for fannypacks. But I am so thankful for the people in my life who tell me like it is and aren't afraid to be themselves. Even when it's ugly. I would rather have 1 authentic friend than 100 surface friends. This is where true relationship takes place.

14. Sisters. Whether they are my sisters or sister in laws, I love the place that sisters have in my life. It's like having built in girlfriends you can hang out with when you are forced to celebrate Aunt Mildred's 100th birthday.

15. Brothers. I can't say something about sisters without saying something about brothers. Brothers are so fun to have around. They are like sisters without the drama!

16. Free stuff. I love getting good deals free at the store but I love it even more when people are getting rid of things and they give them to me! I have tried to start passing on the favor when I get rid of stuff too.

17. Dave Ramsey's Envelope system. I get a lot of flack from people who think I'm crazy or they think Dave Ramsey is sham but the proof is in the pudding. His envelope system has revolutionized our finances. By using all cash, I have stopped overspending about 75% of the time. Nothing I have tried has come even close to this.

18. Parents who have come before us. Since our parents have all been through this parenting phase, they can have an awesome perspective and some great advice to give. The kicker is that you have to be willing to accept the fact that they were good parents in order to appreciate the good advice.

19. That babies don't stay babies forever. I do not like infants. I just find the baby stage a little grating. This baby just sucks the life out of you (literally) by feeding constantly and then stealing sleep around every corner. And then they don't even say thank you or crack a smile. Ever. They just scream at your face. Talk about ungrateful. I'm just kidding, but honestly I love it when the baby hits about 4 months when they can start interacting; smiling and laughing.

20. Full nights sleep. Until you have a baby, you don't truly appreciate a full night sleep until it has been taken away from you. I love sleep and waking up in the middle of the night is not my idea of a great time. But once that baby starts sleeping through the night, a huge "ahhhh" comes out of my mouth whenever my head hits the pillow.

21. Cake. Yummmm.... I just love it. I love frosting as well, but not as much as I love the cake. It's just soooo good. Now if only it was good for you! Then I would eat it all day long.

22. Giving guilt trips. One good thing about getting up in the middle of the night is that it is the ultimate trump card. Because I have gotten up in the middle of the night while Wes has snoozed, later on I am able to use it as a weapon. "Who's going to give the kids a bath?" Well, I would but you see I didn't get a whole night sleep so I'm a little tired. If you want to wake up with the baby tommorow night, I would be more than happy to give the kids a bath." SILENCE. Yeah, that's what I thought.

23. Doing hard things. I love it when people do things that are almost impossible. I am so proud of my sister Lindsay for sticking to her guns and figuring out a career that she is passionate about. We were a little worried that she wouldn't, but she has and she has flourished. She is going to make a wonderful PA.

24. Doing hard things (part 2). I love that Mike and Mandy took the situation of them not being able to have their own children and turned it into a beautiful love story. They have changed the life of a little boy forever and I think it is so inspiring. You both are such wonderful parents.

25. Doing hard things (part 3). My sister Sara wins the award for "doing hard things." This last year has been the most difficult she has ever seen. She has just continued to push forward through the pain, even though it has been intense. She has been an inspiration to so many. I know she will find healing from here.

26. Charles T. Creech. (Chuck). My time with him was much shorter than I would have expected but during that time I was able to learn a lot from him. I learned how important it is to have a love for your country, even if you don't agree with everything that is going on within it. He was such a wonderful husband to my sister and will be missed by all of us, forever.

27. Cameron (Cammie-J) My littlest baby. You are such a bright spot in my life. I don't think it's an accident that you are my nicest baby. You are so quick to smile and snuggle. Every moment we have together is a moment to be cherished. You are my cutey.

28. Owen (Owie-B) My boy who still wants to be a baby. I just love you so much. Your

personality has flourished in the past few months and I love to see what a wonderful little boy you are becoming. You never cease to make me laugh like when Daddy yelled up to you and Preston in bed last night "Who wants a spanking?" because you both were being too loud and we heard a little voice say "ME!" Please be kind to Mommy when she starts potty training you this year.

29. Preston (Presty) It frightens me to see how fast you are growing. You don't need me as much anymore. You can now get your clothes on, your shoes on, go the bathroom by yourself and all sorts of other things. I love the conversations that we have. You have such wonderful questions and have such a tender heart. You truly care for others and I love to see that. As you begin school in the next year, I'm going to miss you so much.

30. Wes. I have now spent a total of 11 years knowing you. They have been the best 11 years of my life. You are the man I always hoped for. You are such a wonderful, encouraging, caring husband (although you could do the dishwasher more! ha) You make me laugh and are so fun to build dreams and a life with. I love you.

And as a tribute to the coming year, I have saved what I love the most for last.

31. God. This has been such a difficult year for our family with losing our aunt and then losing our brother Chuck. At some point in the process, you realize the only thing you can truly count on is that God is God and we are not. We don't understand His ways all of the time, but we know He loved us enough to save us and bring us to Heaven with Him. There is no greater love. I can get through all of the bad stuff because I know that I have a hope for my future which has nothing to do with earthly things. I have a hope of Heaven when the things of Earth fail me. I love that.

Look Familiar?

If only Owen were a girl, he would be as cute as me!! At least now we know he wasn't adopted.

4th of July

We had a wonderful holiday for the 4th of July. Sara was able to come up for a visit which was WONDERFUL for us and I think relaxing for her. Well, as relaxing as staying in a house with 3 rowdy boys is!

July 7th was her birthday so we celebrated early on the 3rd. Then she left for the airport and guess what she left behind? That whole giant cake! And I swear I ate the whole thing. If you know me at all, you know my weakness for cake. Next time if you see me and I'm looking a little bit pudgy, you'll know why!

We were able to meet up at Cracker Barrel with my wonderful grandparents. They have been married for forever!! And the love they have for each other just warms my heart. Grammy has been dealing with Alzeimers for a few years so the burden of everything has fallen on Grampy's shoulders. He is such an awesome man! He cooks, cleans and does the laundry! Sorry ladies, he's taken!!

Grammy doesn't really remember us, but she loves babies! She had a good time holding Cameron. And don't you think Cameron and Grampy kind of look alike??

This picture just makes me laugh. I mean, doesn't everyone make this face when someone says SMILE!!

The Taming of the Two: Part 4

If you missed the earlier posts in this series, click below!
Introduction
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3

Okay, here's what we've talked about so far....in order to survive the wild world of twos, you need to do a couple of things. First, you need to anticipate bad behavior. It WILL happen and it WON'T be pretty. But things don't have spiral out of control if you make a plan as to how you're going to deal with this misbehavior, preferably before it happens. Third, don't take their misbehavior personal. It's not about you, it's about them getting what they want, no matter the cost. Fourth, when the going gets tough and the misbehavior abounds, find something positive to focus on. These positive thoughts will be like life rafts that you need to cling to in order to survive.

In the final two segments of Taming your Two, I wanted to talk about two other strategies I like to use with my twos. The first is Alpha Speech.

Alpha Speech
This is a strategy that I have found so helpful! I got this from two of my favorite parenting experts, John Rosemond and Kevin Leman. They both have a lot of great books out there that I highly recommend!

The idea of Alpha Speech is this: If you don't talk to your children like you expect them to obey, they probably won't. Here's an example of what I'm talking about:

Non-Alpha Speech:

Mother: "Now Grace, I've told you three times that I need you to put on your shoes. Would you please put on your shoes sweetie?"
Grace: NO!
Mother: "Grace, Mommy is in a big hurry and we can't go anywhere if you don't have any shoes on. Why don't you want to wear your shoes?
Grace: I DON'T LIKE THEM!!
Mother: "I know you don't like them, Grace, probably because you have bunyans on your feet just like me, but Mommy needs you to put them on."
Grace: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Mother: Grace, you don't talk to your Mommy that way. Now will you please let me put your shoes on?
Grace: NO!

This could go on for days. If you notice Grace is getting a whole lot of attention from her mother. Although she is having to misbehave, Grace doesn't care because she is in it for the attention, whether positive or negative. Now, here's the same scenario using Alpha Speech.

Alpha Speech

Mother: Grace, please put your shoes on.
Grace: No, I won't!
Mother: If you will not put your shoes on, then I will put them on for you. Just know that if I put them on you, you will not get to ride on the pony at Meijer. (Then the mom walks away.)

Grace's mom in the first example is talking to Grace more like a buddy than as a parent talks to a child. You will notice that she asks Grace to do something. I don't know about your two, but Owen's favorite word is NO! So, anything I ask him I can pretty much guarantee unless it has to do with a chocolate bar, he is going to say NO! Whereas in the second example, the mom does not ask the child to put on her shoes, she tells her to. This communicates to Grace that this is not a democracy. She is expected to put on her shoes. It is a parents job to lead the child, not the other way around.

In the first example, the mom stays by the daughter, pleading with her to put her shoes on. Who's in control at this point? It's Grace! The mom is at the mercy of whether Grace will say yes or no. In the second example, the mom puts out the expectation and also puts out a consequence if Grace doesn't obey and then she walks away. The mom has shown that she is in control of the situation, not Grace. Grace can throw a fit and scream and cry, but her mom will be no where around to see it. Kinda takes the fun out of throwing a fit, huh?

Alpha speech is all about talking to your children like you are in charge of them. You might not feel like you are running the show most of the time but you need to demonstrate to them that you are. Talk to them like you expect them to obey. Set the standard high. It may take some practice on their part but I believe that eventually they will become compliant. Kevin Leman even goes as far as to say that telling your kids your expectations over and over demonstrates to your children that you think they are stupid. Wow!

So, next time you need your two to do something, try out Alpha Speech. Hopefully you will find it as helpful as I have.

Taming the Two: Part 3

If you missed the earlier posts in this series, click below!
Introduction
Part 1
Part 2

If you have an easy going child, the twos may not be a big deal. You might have a few bumps along the road but the road is basically smooth. If you have a child who in any way resembles a strong-willed child, you better put on your seat belt because it may be a rough ride! And that's why I'm writing this, for all of us who have those "spirited" twos.

It's not you; it's me.

At this point, I want to take a time out and say to all those parents who are frustrated with their twos....it's not you!!!! You might be thinking you are the worst parent in the world or if only you spent more time with them, they would act better. I want you to remember the way they are acting is no reflection on you. This is a hard age for even the easy going children. All of us are going to feel like failures when it comes to raising our twos but if we can somehow separate our self-worths from actions of our children, I think we will be happier. Just because you have well-behaved children who do no wrong doesn't make you any better than anyone else.

I used to be so upset about the way Owen acted because I thought that everyone was looking down on me. And maybe they were. But in reality, he is his own person and he is learning how to be a good citizen, he just chooses to take the harder roads to get there! That's just who he is and if I deny him that, it's unfair to him. He is not as easy-going as Preston so to expect him to act the same way as Preston is just going to bring heartache. So let's just take ourselves off the hook.

Look for the Positives

When your child is misbehaving, it can be torture. You just want to shake them and say "Why do you have to act like this??" One of the tactics I like to do is to watch out for positives within a bad situation. I know this is WAY easier said than done. Sometimes there are no positives to be found. And other times, the positives hit you square in the face like this:

Remember the spaghetti throwing incident I had with Owen recently? Well, while I was upstairs talking to Owen, a little helper was at work downstairs. I came downstairs feeling a little frazzled and I see Preston standing by the table with a cheesy grin on his face. "I took care of it," he said. Took care of what? Then I looked down and the spaghetti was gone! "What did you do with it?" I said as my heart rate began to climb. "I vacuumed it up!" he said as he held our new dustbuster in his hand. At this point, my heart was about to burst with love for this little 4 year old who stepped in and did something in order to make his old mom feel better. As I cleaned out the dustbuster, all I felt was love for my children and the creations that God has made them. Gone were my feelings of frustration. So, if you can, look for positive moments with your children that will bring you encouragement to replace your frustrations with them.

**During this series, I would love for people to comment on their experiences with their two year olds whether it's been 20 years since you've parented them or just yesterday. I think we can all encourage each other! So if you have funny stories or tips, bring em on!**

Taming of the Two: Part 2

If you missed the beginning of this series, click on the links below:
Introduction
Part 1

Last time we talked about how important it was to anticipate your two's actions before they act them out.

Make a plan.

Once you have thought through several scenarios of your child breaking one of your top five rules, you need to come up with an appropriate punishment. You might be great at thinking on the fly, but I believe that most punishments are more effective when they have been thought through. Hopefully I'm not the only one that has said this "If you do that again, you will never get to go outside and play!!! EVERR!!!" Now, even though your kid is two, he's not stupid. He knows you can't enforce that. So, you've wasted a teaching opportunity by making an empty threat.

Instead, you can plan ahead of time on what you will do when they misbehave. Say to yourself "okay, I know that the past 7 times I have given Gordon a bath, he has splashed me in the face and I find that disrespectful and disrespectful actions are one of my top five." What might be a good way to deal with his dis-respectfulness? What about making him go to bed 15 minutes early? Maybe your child is younger and wouldn't understand that so you can just decide that bath time is over right when they misbehave. So when bath time comes, you tell Gordon that you expect him not to splash you and if he does, bath time will be over and he will go to bed 15 minutes early. SPLASH! Gordon splashes you right in the face and you are drenched. Instead of screaming at him like you have done the past 7 times, you can pick him up out of the bath and say "Okay, Gordon, I warned you and you did not listen. Bath time is now over and you will be going to bed early." Don't worry that you haven't washed his hair or cleaned him, just give him a bath the next night. In the end, there is no need to even raise your voice. But I guarantee you, they will be so surprised by your actions that you don't need to raise your voice. Remember: actions speak louder than words. And even without the yelling, you will still be effective at teaching them a lesson.

Back to my story about Owen's spaghetti tossing schenanigans. He thought he had gained the upper hand by demonstrating how much he DID NOT want his food. Then, he saw the look on my face. I was not happy. But I didn't yell or scream at him. I had decided a while back that yelling or screaming would be giving him attention that he craved. You would think 2's wouldn't want attention if it was negative, but with Owen I have found the opposite is true. He doesn't care if the attention is negative or positive. It's attention and he LOVES it! I have found that when I march him right upstairs and put him in his crib for 10 minutes or so, that is the ultimate punishment for him. He does not want to be away from the family. He does not want to be alone. He will cry the whole ten minutes, which can be hard to listen to, but I know in the end that he needs to learn a lesson. After the ten minutes were up, I went into his room and made him say he was sorry. I don't consider this a heart-felt thing but I want my children to be in the habit of admitting when they have done wrong and asking for forgiveness. He was then able to go back downstairs and rejoin society.

So, remember, in order to tame your two year old, anticipate that they will misbehave, but be prepared with an appropriate plan of action (punishment) and you will have won!

Part 3: It's not about you...it's about them.

**During this series, I would love for people to comment on their experiences with their two year olds whether it's been 20 years since you've parented them or just yesterday. I think we can all encourage each other! So if you have funny stories or tips, bring em on!**