When the hard times come....

I'm not sure what first triggered it.  I think it was when I looked at Wes' paycheck and said "Hey, we're missing a hundred bucks this month!"  Come to find out, the government apparently doesn't have enough of our money so they decided to take some more!  This left a really bad taste in my mouth.  I must have missed WHY they were taking more money out of checks so in the end it just felt like we were being stolen from.  Pair that with already having to cut down our budget about $40 a month at the beginning of this year and I bet you can guess what happened; 

I decided we were poor.

I moped around for a few days wavering between anger, pity and fear.  I just felt helpless for the first time in a long time.  When Wes and I overspend, it doesn't hit me so hard because I know there's always another month to do better.  But when you already feel like you're living on a tight budget and then have someone come and "pull the rug"out from under you, that's a different story.  Now, I do want to say I know we are not poor.  Not even close to it.  I know we live in the most blessed country in the world and that we are richer than about 95% of the world's population.  I know this in my head, but my heart was saying "That's all well and good but what happens when you have unexpected expenses that you can't pay for?  What are you going to do then?"  Fear began to grip my heart.  I started thinking about it constantly and worrying about things that we had already committed to.  Should we really go on that vacation?  Should we really be buying the kids more clothes?  Should we really buy the kids presents for their birthdays or just put a little money into their college funds? (My kids would burn me at the stake if they knew I was thinking about that one!)

Then I went to my Father's house.  I can't tell you exactly what the pastor said but I left with this thought going through my head, "Do I really believe what I say I believe?"  Do I believe that God loves me? Yes.  Do I believe that He has guided my path these past 31 years?  Definitely.  Do I believe His Word when He says "See how I take care of the birds of the air and the lilies of the field?  How much more will I take care of you, my beloved child?"  I had to say YES! I do believe that. 

And with that, I was reminded that NOTHING happens that God doesn't know about and control.  He works our lives together for HIS good.  Will there be painful times?  Times where God doesn't make sense or seem to fit into the picture of what we had of Him? Most assuredly.  But think of how much comfort we can take in knowing that the Being who knit us together in our mother's womb is still the One who is watching over and providing for us today.  I was so encouraged that God brought me to this place and I hope it's a place that I can stay and camp out in for the rest of my life; resting in Him instead of my own understanding.  I hope that if you are struggling with fear or trying to understand God's will in difficult circumstances, instead of pulling away from God, you will draw nearer to Him.  He will be our Refuge and Strength if we just allow Him to.

Has anyone else struggled with hard times lately?  You are not alone! 

Ps.  While writing this post, I have thought about a half dozen close friends or family members who are going through things 100 times worse than me and I started doubting that I should even write this blog because I feel like my struggles are pea-sized in comparison.  But in the end, I think that we can find encouragement in sharing our struggles, no matter how big or small!

Happy 2nd Birthday Cameron!

Cameron James Cook began making his arrival onto the earth on February 7, 2011.  Now that I know him and his personality, I'm not surprised that he didn't need any help coming out.  He knew when he wanted to be born and he made it happen.  He is exactly like this today.  He sees what he wants and go head first in to get it.

 Cameron was a wonderful baby.  He slept a lot which was very kind to his mother and he didn't have any trouble plumping up.  We thought Owen was a big baby but Cameron surpassed him as he grew.  He brought a lot of excitement to our house as Wes and I learned to juggle 3 boys!  It gets a lot more complicated when you have 3 children instead of 2 because someone is always doing double the work.  Wes and I had no problem keeping score of what each of us had done so we could say "I changed the last dirty diaper, your turn!"  That's modern marriage for you folks!

 This was a typical look for Cameron; sleeping in the car seat.  Life doesn't stop when you're born 3rd child in a family, you are just always taken along for the ride.  I always wonder how his personality will be different from Preston or Owen's because he is forced to just do what everyone else is doing.

I always had this dream that my kids would love playing together and would just share and love each other so much.  This dream was right along side the dream that I would always stay a size 4.  As we all know, not all dreams become reality.  Yes I am still a size 4, but no my kids don't play very well together.  Okay, fine, I'm a 5.  Okay fine, my size is the answer of this equation (5+4-1/75x the square root of butterscotch pie).  Anywhooo....This picture is probably right before one of those blocks went flying into the forehead of one or both of the boys.  Whenever Owen and Cameron play together you can guarantee fireworks.  They are so close in age and Cameron does not back down and that makes for some interesting fights!

One thing Cameron loves to do is when he's not causing mischief is to have fun!  He has such a cute sense of humor and makes us laugh with his antics. 

He also lives by the mantra "the dirtier you are, the more fun you must be having!"

 As Cameron enters his second year of life, we are excited for what is ahead.  He talks more than any of the other boys did at this age.  He is a pistol and let's us know when he is pleased and not pleased but even after he throws a giant fit and ends up getting what he wants, he politely says thank you.  Hey...I guess it's the little things! 

Happy 2nd birthday to my sweet Cameron!  You bring so much love to our lives and we can't imagine living it without you!