The Taming of the Two: Part 4

If you missed the earlier posts in this series, click below!
Introduction
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3

Okay, here's what we've talked about so far....in order to survive the wild world of twos, you need to do a couple of things. First, you need to anticipate bad behavior. It WILL happen and it WON'T be pretty. But things don't have spiral out of control if you make a plan as to how you're going to deal with this misbehavior, preferably before it happens. Third, don't take their misbehavior personal. It's not about you, it's about them getting what they want, no matter the cost. Fourth, when the going gets tough and the misbehavior abounds, find something positive to focus on. These positive thoughts will be like life rafts that you need to cling to in order to survive.

In the final two segments of Taming your Two, I wanted to talk about two other strategies I like to use with my twos. The first is Alpha Speech.

Alpha Speech
This is a strategy that I have found so helpful! I got this from two of my favorite parenting experts, John Rosemond and Kevin Leman. They both have a lot of great books out there that I highly recommend!

The idea of Alpha Speech is this: If you don't talk to your children like you expect them to obey, they probably won't. Here's an example of what I'm talking about:

Non-Alpha Speech:

Mother: "Now Grace, I've told you three times that I need you to put on your shoes. Would you please put on your shoes sweetie?"
Grace: NO!
Mother: "Grace, Mommy is in a big hurry and we can't go anywhere if you don't have any shoes on. Why don't you want to wear your shoes?
Grace: I DON'T LIKE THEM!!
Mother: "I know you don't like them, Grace, probably because you have bunyans on your feet just like me, but Mommy needs you to put them on."
Grace: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Mother: Grace, you don't talk to your Mommy that way. Now will you please let me put your shoes on?
Grace: NO!

This could go on for days. If you notice Grace is getting a whole lot of attention from her mother. Although she is having to misbehave, Grace doesn't care because she is in it for the attention, whether positive or negative. Now, here's the same scenario using Alpha Speech.

Alpha Speech

Mother: Grace, please put your shoes on.
Grace: No, I won't!
Mother: If you will not put your shoes on, then I will put them on for you. Just know that if I put them on you, you will not get to ride on the pony at Meijer. (Then the mom walks away.)

Grace's mom in the first example is talking to Grace more like a buddy than as a parent talks to a child. You will notice that she asks Grace to do something. I don't know about your two, but Owen's favorite word is NO! So, anything I ask him I can pretty much guarantee unless it has to do with a chocolate bar, he is going to say NO! Whereas in the second example, the mom does not ask the child to put on her shoes, she tells her to. This communicates to Grace that this is not a democracy. She is expected to put on her shoes. It is a parents job to lead the child, not the other way around.

In the first example, the mom stays by the daughter, pleading with her to put her shoes on. Who's in control at this point? It's Grace! The mom is at the mercy of whether Grace will say yes or no. In the second example, the mom puts out the expectation and also puts out a consequence if Grace doesn't obey and then she walks away. The mom has shown that she is in control of the situation, not Grace. Grace can throw a fit and scream and cry, but her mom will be no where around to see it. Kinda takes the fun out of throwing a fit, huh?

Alpha speech is all about talking to your children like you are in charge of them. You might not feel like you are running the show most of the time but you need to demonstrate to them that you are. Talk to them like you expect them to obey. Set the standard high. It may take some practice on their part but I believe that eventually they will become compliant. Kevin Leman even goes as far as to say that telling your kids your expectations over and over demonstrates to your children that you think they are stupid. Wow!

So, next time you need your two to do something, try out Alpha Speech. Hopefully you will find it as helpful as I have.