If you missed the beginning of this series, click on the links below:
Introduction
Part 1
Last time we talked about how important it was to anticipate your two's actions before they act them out.
Make a plan.
Once you have thought through several scenarios of your child breaking one of your top five rules, you need to come up with an appropriate punishment. You might be great at thinking on the fly, but I believe that most punishments are more effective when they have been thought through. Hopefully I'm not the only one that has said this "If you do that again, you will never get to go outside and play!!! EVERR!!!" Now, even though your kid is two, he's not stupid. He knows you can't enforce that. So, you've wasted a teaching opportunity by making an empty threat.
Instead, you can plan ahead of time on what you will do when they misbehave. Say to yourself "okay, I know that the past 7 times I have given Gordon a bath, he has splashed me in the face and I find that disrespectful and disrespectful actions are one of my top five." What might be a good way to deal with his dis-respectfulness? What about making him go to bed 15 minutes early? Maybe your child is younger and wouldn't understand that so you can just decide that bath time is over right when they misbehave. So when bath time comes, you tell Gordon that you expect him not to splash you and if he does, bath time will be over and he will go to bed 15 minutes early. SPLASH! Gordon splashes you right in the face and you are drenched. Instead of screaming at him like you have done the past 7 times, you can pick him up out of the bath and say "Okay, Gordon, I warned you and you did not listen. Bath time is now over and you will be going to bed early." Don't worry that you haven't washed his hair or cleaned him, just give him a bath the next night. In the end, there is no need to even raise your voice. But I guarantee you, they will be so surprised by your actions that you don't need to raise your voice. Remember: actions speak louder than words. And even without the yelling, you will still be effective at teaching them a lesson.
Back to my story about Owen's spaghetti tossing schenanigans. He thought he had gained the upper hand by demonstrating how much he DID NOT want his food. Then, he saw the look on my face. I was not happy. But I didn't yell or scream at him. I had decided a while back that yelling or screaming would be giving him attention that he craved. You would think 2's wouldn't want attention if it was negative, but with Owen I have found the opposite is true. He doesn't care if the attention is negative or positive. It's attention and he LOVES it! I have found that when I march him right upstairs and put him in his crib for 10 minutes or so, that is the ultimate punishment for him. He does not want to be away from the family. He does not want to be alone. He will cry the whole ten minutes, which can be hard to listen to, but I know in the end that he needs to learn a lesson. After the ten minutes were up, I went into his room and made him say he was sorry. I don't consider this a heart-felt thing but I want my children to be in the habit of admitting when they have done wrong and asking for forgiveness. He was then able to go back downstairs and rejoin society.
So, remember, in order to tame your two year old, anticipate that they will misbehave, but be prepared with an appropriate plan of action (punishment) and you will have won!
Part 3: It's not about you...it's about them.
**During this series, I would love for people to comment on their experiences with their two year olds whether it's been 20 years since you've parented them or just yesterday. I think we can all encourage each other! So if you have funny stories or tips, bring em on!**
3 comments:
Good advice, Stacy! Ian's started hitting us in the face when we make him do something he doesn't want to, usually when we take him to change his diaper...We're trying time out in the corner, but not sure how effective that is. Maybe consistency is the key. Every day is a learning experience!
Loving your series! I don't have kids of my own, but I did run my own daycare and ran a home for young women with life-controlling issues, and sometimes it felt like they were 2, not 22.
I wanted to point something out that say by example, but don't state. By telling your child before the bath what will happen, not only have you decided in your mind what you will do, BUT, you are also setting the expectation for the child. I think we forget that sometimes. At 2, they don't have the logic that we have, so for example, saying "be good" or "behave" is not enough. Tell them what you expect, and what the consequences will be!
ok, that second paragraph should read: I wanted to point something out that *you* say by giving an example, but don't state outright.
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