When the hard times come....

I'm not sure what first triggered it.  I think it was when I looked at Wes' paycheck and said "Hey, we're missing a hundred bucks this month!"  Come to find out, the government apparently doesn't have enough of our money so they decided to take some more!  This left a really bad taste in my mouth.  I must have missed WHY they were taking more money out of checks so in the end it just felt like we were being stolen from.  Pair that with already having to cut down our budget about $40 a month at the beginning of this year and I bet you can guess what happened; 

I decided we were poor.

I moped around for a few days wavering between anger, pity and fear.  I just felt helpless for the first time in a long time.  When Wes and I overspend, it doesn't hit me so hard because I know there's always another month to do better.  But when you already feel like you're living on a tight budget and then have someone come and "pull the rug"out from under you, that's a different story.  Now, I do want to say I know we are not poor.  Not even close to it.  I know we live in the most blessed country in the world and that we are richer than about 95% of the world's population.  I know this in my head, but my heart was saying "That's all well and good but what happens when you have unexpected expenses that you can't pay for?  What are you going to do then?"  Fear began to grip my heart.  I started thinking about it constantly and worrying about things that we had already committed to.  Should we really go on that vacation?  Should we really be buying the kids more clothes?  Should we really buy the kids presents for their birthdays or just put a little money into their college funds? (My kids would burn me at the stake if they knew I was thinking about that one!)

Then I went to my Father's house.  I can't tell you exactly what the pastor said but I left with this thought going through my head, "Do I really believe what I say I believe?"  Do I believe that God loves me? Yes.  Do I believe that He has guided my path these past 31 years?  Definitely.  Do I believe His Word when He says "See how I take care of the birds of the air and the lilies of the field?  How much more will I take care of you, my beloved child?"  I had to say YES! I do believe that. 

And with that, I was reminded that NOTHING happens that God doesn't know about and control.  He works our lives together for HIS good.  Will there be painful times?  Times where God doesn't make sense or seem to fit into the picture of what we had of Him? Most assuredly.  But think of how much comfort we can take in knowing that the Being who knit us together in our mother's womb is still the One who is watching over and providing for us today.  I was so encouraged that God brought me to this place and I hope it's a place that I can stay and camp out in for the rest of my life; resting in Him instead of my own understanding.  I hope that if you are struggling with fear or trying to understand God's will in difficult circumstances, instead of pulling away from God, you will draw nearer to Him.  He will be our Refuge and Strength if we just allow Him to.

Has anyone else struggled with hard times lately?  You are not alone! 

Ps.  While writing this post, I have thought about a half dozen close friends or family members who are going through things 100 times worse than me and I started doubting that I should even write this blog because I feel like my struggles are pea-sized in comparison.  But in the end, I think that we can find encouragement in sharing our struggles, no matter how big or small!

Happy 2nd Birthday Cameron!

Cameron James Cook began making his arrival onto the earth on February 7, 2011.  Now that I know him and his personality, I'm not surprised that he didn't need any help coming out.  He knew when he wanted to be born and he made it happen.  He is exactly like this today.  He sees what he wants and go head first in to get it.

 Cameron was a wonderful baby.  He slept a lot which was very kind to his mother and he didn't have any trouble plumping up.  We thought Owen was a big baby but Cameron surpassed him as he grew.  He brought a lot of excitement to our house as Wes and I learned to juggle 3 boys!  It gets a lot more complicated when you have 3 children instead of 2 because someone is always doing double the work.  Wes and I had no problem keeping score of what each of us had done so we could say "I changed the last dirty diaper, your turn!"  That's modern marriage for you folks!

 This was a typical look for Cameron; sleeping in the car seat.  Life doesn't stop when you're born 3rd child in a family, you are just always taken along for the ride.  I always wonder how his personality will be different from Preston or Owen's because he is forced to just do what everyone else is doing.

I always had this dream that my kids would love playing together and would just share and love each other so much.  This dream was right along side the dream that I would always stay a size 4.  As we all know, not all dreams become reality.  Yes I am still a size 4, but no my kids don't play very well together.  Okay, fine, I'm a 5.  Okay fine, my size is the answer of this equation (5+4-1/75x the square root of butterscotch pie).  Anywhooo....This picture is probably right before one of those blocks went flying into the forehead of one or both of the boys.  Whenever Owen and Cameron play together you can guarantee fireworks.  They are so close in age and Cameron does not back down and that makes for some interesting fights!

One thing Cameron loves to do is when he's not causing mischief is to have fun!  He has such a cute sense of humor and makes us laugh with his antics. 

He also lives by the mantra "the dirtier you are, the more fun you must be having!"

 As Cameron enters his second year of life, we are excited for what is ahead.  He talks more than any of the other boys did at this age.  He is a pistol and let's us know when he is pleased and not pleased but even after he throws a giant fit and ends up getting what he wants, he politely says thank you.  Hey...I guess it's the little things! 

Happy 2nd birthday to my sweet Cameron!  You bring so much love to our lives and we can't imagine living it without you!

Is January over yet??

 Happy New Year!  Oh wait, I'm a little late!  Yes I have been a major blogger slacker.  Sorry about that.  Things have been pretty nice around here this month.  We've been just taking it easy, enjoying our new house and hunkering down whenever the snow comes.  I just love looking out the windows at the snow (all from the comfort of my warm home). 

Here's a typical look at what life is like...lots of pushing and playing around:

We entered both Owen and Preston in the Awana Grand Prix this year for the first time.  It was also the first time that Wes had made cars like this.  He didn't have the proper tools so he had to use a chisel!!!  I don't know why the thought of it makes me laugh, but it does!  

So when they got home from the Grand Prix I was excited to hear what happened when Preston came in and said "I got last place EVERY race!"  He was not pleased.  Wes came in and told me that everytime his car would come in last place, he would just glare at Wes like it was all his fault!  Well, a day or two after the race, Wes realized he put Preston's wheels on backwards so it really WAS all his fault!  At least next year, all they can do is improve! 

This is Preston right before his 100th day of Kindergarten.  They had to dress up like 100 year old men to commemorate the event.  I thought he looked pretty cute in his full suit although he looks more like he's running for office!  Funny thing is, the suit is one that Wes used to wear when he was Prestons age.

At the beginning of the year, we got to go to Wes' work party which is always a huge highlight.  His work always goes all out and it is usually in downtown Indianapolis.  It was at the JW Marriott this year.  We decided to go all out this year and get a hotel room to make it like a real date!  (I mean, married person date..haha!) Wes has been on so many business trips that we were able to use points that he had earned to get a free night.  Now that's what I call a great deal!

Here's the view from our hotel room.

Here's a few pics from the actual event.  I don't know who those guys are in the background but I'm pretty sure Wes does.  Just because you work at a big boy job doesn't take the little boy out of you apparently! :)

This is one of my best friends, Mary.  She and I have been friends since Wes first started working at ININ.  She is such a wonderful, fun person to be around!

 

 Hope all is well with everyone reading...if there is anyone left!!

My Grammee

 The week between Christmas and New Years was bittersweet as we said goodbye to my wonderful grandmother.  She will be greatly missed!  I was able to say a few words at her funeral and I thought I would share them here so you can get an idea of what a great lady she was.

I am so honored to be able to speak a few words about my grandmother Josephine Razenberg who we lovingly referred to as Grammee. There is no way that I can sum up her life lived in a few short moments but I thought I would honor her by telling you what lessons I learned from her life.

The first lesson I learned from Grammee is how to love fully. From the time that I was a small child I was struck by my grandparents love story. Their love for each other had to be put on hold as my grandpa was called off to war. I'm sure a lot of similar relationships interrupted by war couldn't stand the test of time, but theirs did. When he returned from the war, they were married and their love remained strong to the end which was over 60 years. How can we not be inspired by that? And their love was no ordinary love as I realized they didn't just love each other, they liked each other! They loved spending time together. I cannot remember more than a half a dozen times where I saw one without the other. They were best friends with each other. I can tell you that as I went off to college and looked for a mate, their example was never far from my mind. I didn't just want someone who I would spend my life with, I wanted someone who would be my best friend.

Another lesson I learned from Grammee is to enjoy every moment to the fullest. My grandparents loved to travel. I don't have an exact count but I know that both of my grandparents have seen many, if not all of the 50 states. They taught me how important it was to enjoy the world that God has created. When I was young, they would travel down to Florida every winter and spend a few months down there just soaking up the sun. I would be so jealous thinking of them sitting by the ocean as I sat in school with my feet freezing from the frigid Michigan winter. And then Grammee would come back and we would compare the tans we had on our arms and she would always have me beat. Grammee also loved reading and doing word searches. I can still picture her sitting in her padded rocking chair filling out what seemed like her millionth book of word searches. I used to try and help her fill them out but she showed herself to be a far superior word searcher than I.

Grammee was also the Queen of fashion in our family. She had not one, but two closets full of clothes! She may have had other closets hidden away that I never discovered. She had a love for clothes that I am afraid my sister Lindsay and I may have inherited. She taught us that a girl can never have too many clothes and that it was IS possible to find shoes that matched your outfit exactly! She also loved jewelry and always had beautiful nails that she manicured herself. She had an emery board and a jar of nail polish near by at all times! Her profession was doing hair so it's no surprise that her hair was always done and looked beautiful. I remember one time we were riding in her car and discovered her rain bonnets. We couldn't figure out what they were until she told us she wore them so her hair wouldn't get messed up. Us girls had fun just trying them on whenever we were riding with them in the car.

She probably didn't know this, but Grammee taught her granddaughters how to be strong women. She grew up on a farm and I am sure this went a long way in making her a strong woman. One of my favorite memories of her involves a fateful arm wrestling match. My sister Sara came home from her basic training from the Air Force feeling strong and confident. Out of nowhere Grammee challenged Sara to an arm wrestling match. At first Sara refused, worried that she would hurt break Grammee's arm and told her “I'll go easy on you!” Grammee just smiled and said “I'll warn you, I'm pretty tough.” We all laughed thinking Grammee would be easily beaten. As they began the match, to our surprise, they were pretty equally matched. As the match continued though, Grammee stayed strong while Sara started to falter. In the end, Grammee was victorious and we were all thorougly impressed! Mike had a good laugh about it until Sara said “Ok, Mike, you wrestle her and he said “Not after I saw you get beat! We still talk about strong-armed Grammee to this day.

To the end of her life, Grammee was faithful. She was faithful to her husband, her children, her grandchildren and most of all to God. I have learned recently in church about how generations before us can have an impact on our faith either positively or negatively. We as a family have been so blessed to have the example of John and Josephine Razenberg. I wholeheartedly believe that our families are stronger in their faith because of THEIR faithfulness to our Heavenly Father. Psalms 112:1-2 ESV “Blessed is the man who fears the LORD, who greatly delights in his commandments! (2) His offspring will be mighty in the land; the generation of the upright will be blessed.”

We love you and will miss you Grammee.

Let the Renovations continue!

Well, it's been about 2 months since I posted but it's been for good reason....and noooo it's not because I'm with child or anything like that!  Wes and I have been working off our little butts on this new house that we bought.  I can't speak for Wes, but I am having a BLAST!  I am not sure I want re-doing things to come to an end because then I'm not sure what I will do with myself.  Here's the cold hard facts:

Walls painted: 35
Paint cans used: at least 12
Amount of new roller covers needed: 6 even after reusing them
Outlets and switches changed out: about 20
Pinterest projects completed: 4
Pinterest projects Wes wanted to complete: 0
Laminate wood flooring installed in: 5 rooms over 1000 square feet worth!
Garage floors painted: 1
Caving in brick patios repaired: 1
Leaves raked: a million
Times Wes army crawled through our crawlspace: 2
Times kids followed daddy into the crawlspace: 1
Weird things found in the house from previous owners: a full-size Hulk costume, a pack of smokes, all the kids trophies (which my kids love to pretend they earned), and a giant Hannah Montana poster.
How many walls Owen has drawn on since we moved in: at least 4

Whew, I'm sure I've forgotten something but that's the gist of it!  Here's some before and after pictures that I have been promising you but never delivering....sorry bout that!

Before: Living room
 

Add caption

After: Living room

This room is still the original color although it's hard to tell in this picture!  All we did was move furniture in and hang curtains and pictures.  In the corner is my stash of pictures that I haven't figured out where to hang yet.

Foyer: Before

Foyer: After

Laundry Room: Before

Laundry Room:  After

 

Dining Room: Before

 



Dining Room: After  (my pictures aren't as good but you get the idea!)

  So, as you can see we replaced all the flooring in the kitchen, dining room, laundry room and foyer.  (Wes did!)  We painted all the walls and did a board and batten treatment in the dining room and entryway.  We chose cool colors for the house because even during the day there is not a lot of light that comes in due to the trees.  Hope you enjoyed the tour and can see why I haven't been blogging!  I hope to take more pictures some day and show you the rest!

I'm not who you think I am anymore.

Wes and I have always been known to our friends as frugal.  I love being frugal.  I love getting good deals and saving 50% on my grocery bills and getting things at rock bottom prices.  Well, I thought it was time to come clean.  I am not as frugal as you think I am.

Case in point:  About 2 years ago, I would have gone to the grocery store on my weekly trip with my coupons in hand, my list and I would leave saving at least 50% on my grocery bill.  I would stroll out of there with my head held high feeling like I had just gotten away with something.  That was then.

This is now.  I go to the store about every other day.  Because I have forgotten something.  Because I don't carry a list anymore.  Because I don't have time to make one.  Okay, I do usually have one but it is usually missing the main thing I went to the store for in the first place!  And do I shop with coupons anymore?  NOPE!  I know some of you are gasping, picturing me in a store without a coupon.  Tis' the truth.  I know you're thinking "well I'm sure she still only shops the sales..."  NOPE!  I have been paying full price for things!  The first few times, I had tremendous guilt and literally felt sick to my stomach when I paid full price for something.  How stupid is that?  I'm way over that now.  I feel like I've gone to the dark side now.  I'm so sorry Money-saving Mom!  (Money-saving Mom is a blog that I started reading about 5 years ago that totally revolutionized how I shop.)

I try to put my finger on what has happened and I try to figure out what has changed.  Then I realize a lot has changed.  I am now shopping with 2 toddlers (one big, one little).  Last time I was in Meijer I was in the produce and Cameron saw the bananas.  And then he went bananas.  I'm talking kicking, screaming, pointing, hitting me if I got close to him...you know, the whole bit.  And it didn't last just a few seconds, he went on for minutes.  Thankfully my mom was with me and she sprang into action and got a small box of Goldfish crackers from the checkout aisle and we stuffed his face like he was Iaggo on Aladdin.  But it still wasn't pretty.  I hate being publicly humiliated!  Now I make Wes stay in the car with the kids while I run in and get a few things here, a few things there.

I also have had a change of heart when it comes to buying cheap things.  A lot of them turned out to be cheap!  I was folding laundry recently and every single one of Cameron's shirts had big stains on them; AFTER being washed.  I then realized that my kids were becoming "the dirty kids" because I keep buying cheap-o detergent!  I could kick myself because by trying to save money, I ended up messing his whole wardrobe.  I think I need a live-in stain specialist like my friend Kristin Miller.  She has an amazing ability to get stains out!  Maybe she will come and live with me for 50 cents an hour??

As life has gotten busier and my kids have gone from docile little babies in the baby carriers into crazy people, I've realized I have to adjust my life accordingly.  And I'm okay with that.  I would so much rather curl up in the 15 minutes of peace I have per year to read a book instead of clipping coupons anyway.  Stacy from 2 years ago can't believe that present-day Stacy just said that, but oh well, times are-a-changing! 

Whew...glad to get that off my chest!  Who's going to pick up the coupon torch where I left off?

Ode to Erin

     Back in 2006 I was at church and I met a nice young couple who had been married for less than a month.  They had just recently moved to Muncie and I can't even remember how they ended up at church in Anderson.  Now I know it was definitely a God-thing.  Erin and I and our hubbies became fast friends.  On paper we shouldn't have even become friends.  They were newly married and I was about to pop with our first baby.  We didn't share much in common.  She was in medical school and I was about to be a stay at home mom.  But all four of us just clicked.  We started a wonderful friendship which was rich with laughter and talk about God and His plan for our lives.
  
I think what made our friendship so special to me was the timing of it.  I was in the throws of new motherhood, feeling like an idiot, failure, you fill in the blank, whenever I didn't do something perfect.  It was so nice to have a friend like Erin who would always offer a listening ear and a shoulder to lean on.  She has always been wise beyond her years.  And she would offer me perspective.  Having a close couple we could hang out with who didn't have kids was wonderful because it reminded me that there was life outside of my new little baby.
  
And they were so patient with us.  We took Preston with us wherever we went and he cried.  A lot.  We would put him to sleep at Erin and Chris' house and he would cry for like an hour, but Wes and I would just smile and say, "Oh he's fine."  And then we would all start laughing.  I still smile to myself thinking about it now.  And they never said a word.  They were so gracious!
 
Now in the next week or so (hopefully!) it's going to be Erin's turn to become a new mother.  She and Chris are pregnant with a little girl.  I though it would be fun to write a blog dedicated to her and any new mother written by someone who is a few years removed from all of the newness of having their first baby. 

First thing I would say is whatever expectations you have right now of what it's going to be like, time to lower them a little bit.  Whether it's expectations about having a certain type of birth or whether your baby will sleep through the night within the first week, try to remain flexible with things.  I remember when I had Preston I knew for sure I wanted to breastfeed.  Preston had other plans and wouldn't latch on no matter what I tried.  In the end, I ended having to do things a bit differently than what I had expected.  If I would have lowered my expectations or asked myself what I would do if things didn't work the way I expected,, the transition would have been a little bit easier on my psyche.  I know this is so much easier to say than to do.  You have nine months (and in most cases even longer) to dream about what things will be like and they don't usually include the bad stuff!  Only the cooing and cuddling, certainly not the crying and spitting up!

Second is accept help from people, especially your husband.  As a mom, it can feel very lonely.  There are many times you're alone with the baby due to feedings and it can be hard.  I can't explain why it feels this way, I just know it does.  I remember giving Wes the evil eye while he was snoozing away and I was stuck getting up at 1 and at 4am.  What I made sure to do was get Preston used to taking a bottle once a day so that I could get a break and so that Preston could also get used to having someone besides me feed him.  This allowed me to go out with friends and not have to worry about getting back so quick.  I also made sure to not take all the burden of caring for the baby onto myself.  Thankfully, I had Wes who with Preston was usually taking him away from me so that he could care for him.  I know not everyone has that so I would just say try to include your husband in things so he doesn't feel left out and so that he will know how to help when you need it.  Accept help from your friends as well.  I remember my friend Kelly coming over with her baby and just watching Preston so I could get some sleep.  My cousin Shontel also came over to clean my house and watch my kids so I could get away!  How sweet were they???

Third is trust your instincts.  You will have MANY people giving you advice or telling you what they used to feed their child back in 1942.  People are just trying to be helpful but at least for me, their "help" normally added more anxiety to me.  I kinda wish I had a big red Staple button that I could push whenever someone made a comment I don't like and say "Rrrr....not helpful." and then they would fall down a trap door or something.  A girl can dream.  But seriously when it comes down to it, you need to do what you think is best for your baby.  God made you your baby's mama.  When Preston was born, he was incredibly skinny.  If you've seen Preston at almost 6 years old, you will notice one thing about him; he is incredibly skinny.  That's just who he is but you wouldn't believe how long I agonized about his skinniness due to people's comments.  I began thinking that it was a problem with me and the way I was feeding him.

Fourth, find three or so people in your life who you can trust and ask them your questions.  I always asked my mom questions because she had raised 4 children so I figured she knew how to do it.  If you open yourself up to 20 different people's opinions you can pretty much plan that you will get 20 differing opinions.  This can be so hard.  I try to find people who I trust and admire and ask them my questions.  I also like to find two or three authors that really resonate with me and read their books.  A great book is First Time Mom by Kevin Leman.  Lots of great stuff in that book.  

Lastly, pray pray pray.  Pray for yourself and your recovery both physically and emotionally.  Pray for your husband as he transitions from being your #1 guy to being at times an afterthought.  Pray for your baby that he or she will grow up healthy and live a life that follows God.

I know I have just scratched the surface so I would love for some other "seasoned mom's" to add to the comments other additional ideas you would give a new mom!

Good luck Erin and Chris with the new baby (whenever she may choose to come)!  You will make great parents.  Wish I was out there with you!