Ode to Erin

     Back in 2006 I was at church and I met a nice young couple who had been married for less than a month.  They had just recently moved to Muncie and I can't even remember how they ended up at church in Anderson.  Now I know it was definitely a God-thing.  Erin and I and our hubbies became fast friends.  On paper we shouldn't have even become friends.  They were newly married and I was about to pop with our first baby.  We didn't share much in common.  She was in medical school and I was about to be a stay at home mom.  But all four of us just clicked.  We started a wonderful friendship which was rich with laughter and talk about God and His plan for our lives.
  
I think what made our friendship so special to me was the timing of it.  I was in the throws of new motherhood, feeling like an idiot, failure, you fill in the blank, whenever I didn't do something perfect.  It was so nice to have a friend like Erin who would always offer a listening ear and a shoulder to lean on.  She has always been wise beyond her years.  And she would offer me perspective.  Having a close couple we could hang out with who didn't have kids was wonderful because it reminded me that there was life outside of my new little baby.
  
And they were so patient with us.  We took Preston with us wherever we went and he cried.  A lot.  We would put him to sleep at Erin and Chris' house and he would cry for like an hour, but Wes and I would just smile and say, "Oh he's fine."  And then we would all start laughing.  I still smile to myself thinking about it now.  And they never said a word.  They were so gracious!
 
Now in the next week or so (hopefully!) it's going to be Erin's turn to become a new mother.  She and Chris are pregnant with a little girl.  I though it would be fun to write a blog dedicated to her and any new mother written by someone who is a few years removed from all of the newness of having their first baby. 

First thing I would say is whatever expectations you have right now of what it's going to be like, time to lower them a little bit.  Whether it's expectations about having a certain type of birth or whether your baby will sleep through the night within the first week, try to remain flexible with things.  I remember when I had Preston I knew for sure I wanted to breastfeed.  Preston had other plans and wouldn't latch on no matter what I tried.  In the end, I ended having to do things a bit differently than what I had expected.  If I would have lowered my expectations or asked myself what I would do if things didn't work the way I expected,, the transition would have been a little bit easier on my psyche.  I know this is so much easier to say than to do.  You have nine months (and in most cases even longer) to dream about what things will be like and they don't usually include the bad stuff!  Only the cooing and cuddling, certainly not the crying and spitting up!

Second is accept help from people, especially your husband.  As a mom, it can feel very lonely.  There are many times you're alone with the baby due to feedings and it can be hard.  I can't explain why it feels this way, I just know it does.  I remember giving Wes the evil eye while he was snoozing away and I was stuck getting up at 1 and at 4am.  What I made sure to do was get Preston used to taking a bottle once a day so that I could get a break and so that Preston could also get used to having someone besides me feed him.  This allowed me to go out with friends and not have to worry about getting back so quick.  I also made sure to not take all the burden of caring for the baby onto myself.  Thankfully, I had Wes who with Preston was usually taking him away from me so that he could care for him.  I know not everyone has that so I would just say try to include your husband in things so he doesn't feel left out and so that he will know how to help when you need it.  Accept help from your friends as well.  I remember my friend Kelly coming over with her baby and just watching Preston so I could get some sleep.  My cousin Shontel also came over to clean my house and watch my kids so I could get away!  How sweet were they???

Third is trust your instincts.  You will have MANY people giving you advice or telling you what they used to feed their child back in 1942.  People are just trying to be helpful but at least for me, their "help" normally added more anxiety to me.  I kinda wish I had a big red Staple button that I could push whenever someone made a comment I don't like and say "Rrrr....not helpful." and then they would fall down a trap door or something.  A girl can dream.  But seriously when it comes down to it, you need to do what you think is best for your baby.  God made you your baby's mama.  When Preston was born, he was incredibly skinny.  If you've seen Preston at almost 6 years old, you will notice one thing about him; he is incredibly skinny.  That's just who he is but you wouldn't believe how long I agonized about his skinniness due to people's comments.  I began thinking that it was a problem with me and the way I was feeding him.

Fourth, find three or so people in your life who you can trust and ask them your questions.  I always asked my mom questions because she had raised 4 children so I figured she knew how to do it.  If you open yourself up to 20 different people's opinions you can pretty much plan that you will get 20 differing opinions.  This can be so hard.  I try to find people who I trust and admire and ask them my questions.  I also like to find two or three authors that really resonate with me and read their books.  A great book is First Time Mom by Kevin Leman.  Lots of great stuff in that book.  

Lastly, pray pray pray.  Pray for yourself and your recovery both physically and emotionally.  Pray for your husband as he transitions from being your #1 guy to being at times an afterthought.  Pray for your baby that he or she will grow up healthy and live a life that follows God.

I know I have just scratched the surface so I would love for some other "seasoned mom's" to add to the comments other additional ideas you would give a new mom!

Good luck Erin and Chris with the new baby (whenever she may choose to come)!  You will make great parents.  Wish I was out there with you!  

Home renovations!

First off, let me say thanks for the calls and comments about my last blog post!  I hate to be negative on the blog because then the next day when I'm feeling better, everyone else thinks I'm still depressed!  I'm doing much better.  At the end of last week, I got to go do some shopping with my sister without kids and then Friday came which has quickly become my favorite day of the week!  That's the day that Owen goes to his Mom's Day out program.  I have 4 hours with only one kid!  It's wonderful especially because the past two times Cameron has slept almost the whole time (from 9am-1pm)  Thanks buddy!

Here's a picture of the big boy going to what he thinks is preschool!

The huge thing going around this house has been renovation!  This house is perfect in size but not necessarily in the style we were going for.  Wes has been HARD at work on putting in new flooring since the beginning of August.  This was in the beginning stages of laying the floor.  You know it's bad when the friends that are helping you are standing inside where your flooring goes!!  All of the subfloor over by that patio door had to be replaced because it was rotted due to the leaking door.  It hadn't rained in forever but it rained about 2 days before this and we were so thankful because it showed us that there were two leaks instead of just one!!  We were so thankful that God showed us this before we put down our brandnew flooring.  

These are our trusty helpers (L-R) Alan, Wes' friend from childhood, Rod, Wes and my friend from church and work and Dusten, our friend from Anderson.

Here's what the kitchen looked like during the flooring party!  YIKES!  Now that it's all done in there, I'm pretty sure my blood pressure has gone down quite a bit.

While Wes was busy inside, I've been trying to increase the curb appeal on the outside.  I painted the exterior doors red instead of the boring beige they were and it has helped so much! 

 Add some plants, a bench and a pillow and you got yourself a cozy entrance!

I will show you the final flooring reveal once we get a few projects finished!  It looks goooooood!

Why don't they tell you?

WARNING: I'm having one of those parenting days...well maybe even one of those parenting weeks where each of my kids is pushing.  Pushing to get what they want, when they want it, no matter what the cost or how it hurts someone elses feelings.  It's days like today where I can't see past the yelling, the crying, the screaming and whining to think "boy am I glad to be a mom!"  Honestly, right now I'm not glad to be a mom.  I am annoyed that I am a mom.   Just being honest here.

Why does no one tell you this is part of what it is like to be a mom?  That the rough days can easily out number the good days?  Why does everyone say, while your kid is screaming in your ear or throwing a fit at the grocery, "you're going to miss these days!"  Really?  If that's true, then I've got some pretty bad days ahead of me!

I tell myself that part of the problem is that I hold to the "motherhood ideal."  I have this idea of what a good mother looks like.  The funny thing is that most of the time, this "mother" doesn't look like me at all.  So then I feel guilty that I just can't keep it together.  I feel like I'm not a good-enough mother.  I know multiple times today I have thought "how can I be a better mother to these kids?  Where am I lacking that is causing them act like this?"  I find myself putting all of the burden on ME.  Funny thing is, I wasn't the one misbehaving in the first place but yet in the end I feel like I'm the one that has done wrong.  What a bad cycle of thought to get into.  Then as if there needs to be more fuel for the fire, I usually get onto Facebook and see a bunch of mothers on there espousing how wonderful their kids are or how thankful they are to be mothers...etc.  Don't get me wrong!  I love to read these comments but on days like today, I let them make me feel lower and lower.

So, what's the answer?  I think one thing I need to do is put the responsibility back where it belongs...on my three little mongrels...I mean angels.  I need to be better at holding them accountable for there actions without instantly internalizing things.  I think I also need to walk away more.  I reason with them too much when they are being unreasonable.  Nothing is worse than reasoning with a 5, 3, and 1 1/2 year old.  Not gonna happen. 

Husbands, if you are reading this, even if you don't understand what your wife is going through or why she is so cranky, pretend like you do.  Put yourself in her shoes.  Be understanding and when you get home, HELP HER!  Nothing is better than when Wes can see I've had a bad day and he goes to the extra effort to help out.

I like to keep this blog real so sorry about the negativity, but that's life!  Here's to hoping tomorrow is a better day!

Am I alone in feeling like this?

First Day of Kindergarten

Like I said earlier, the first day of school (Aug. 2) was pretty sad...that is until I got home and realized how much more stuff I could get done with one less boy running around.  It was magical!  School already you may be saying?  Yup, the schools around here are on the balanced schedule which means they start about a month earlier but then during the year they get more weeks off than normal.  I like the idea of having longer breaks like 2 weeks off in October, December and March.

This is everyone at the bus stop.  That's my dad in the background, not just some random guy....

I take the 2 little boys in their pajamas everyday to the bus stop.  I don't really care what people think.  8am comes way too early for me.

Notice the tired eyes?  Poor Cammie J is not used to waking up until at least 9:30.  This has been a shock to his system

Here's some things that have changed since I was in Kindergarten:  they don't let you wear flip-flops to school, they don't let you run or play tag on the playground because they are afraid kids will push, everything is based on rewards instead of consequences which is good for a rule-follower like Preston.  They don't give out the names or information from the other people in the class, they also don't allow birthday invitations to be passed out, even if you're inviting everyone in the class and when it's your birthday your treat has to be nutritious (sugar cannot be the first ingredient).  Whew!  Things have definintely changed but so far we like the school that he's at.  The teacher seems really nice and very thorough.  Preston was a bear the first two days of school because he was so tired but now he's starting to get into the groove.

Anyone else's kids getting ready to start school?

Gatlinburg 2012

Here are some highlights from our trip this summer;

All the boys hanging out one morning in their pjs.  The weather was especially nice in the mornings.

View from the porch.  It was so beautiful!

 

The cabin was three stories.  Perfect for all the little people to run up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down.

From left to right: Arianna (Adrians daughter) Owen, Klein (Amy's son), Preston, Avery (Chad's daughter) Hallie up top (Amy's daughter).

The next few pictures are from our trip to Cade's Cove.  This was the highlight of the trip for me.  The scenery just takes your breath away.  Also, the thrill of possibly seeing some animals made it fun for the kids.  We did end up seeing lots of deer and a bear as he was running into the forest.  It cracked me up when we saw him because people were chasing after him with their cameras.  I wanted to yell "What are you going to do if he turns around and starts running after you???" 

Boys hanging out in the cabin.  There was a pool table and a foosball table to keep the kids busy.  There was also a really nice hottub on the porch. 

From left to right: Preston, Quinn (Amy's son), Zion and Cannon (Chad's boys)

This was Preston's first time riding a go-kart.  He was suprisingly good.  Maybe he will be ready to drive someday!

Other highlights included eating at the Olde Mill in downtown Gatlinburg and going to the community center in Pigeon Forge which had a wonderful pool for us to enjoy! A fun time was had by all! 

Did I miss any fun things to do in Gatlinburg?

The Best Birthday Gift Ever

Today is my birthday.  I'm 31.  I really don't feel like 31.  I still feel like I'm in my early 20's.  I keep telling myself that I'm young at heart.  Wes tells me I still look like I'm 16 so that helps too!  My sister Sara told me about a year ago that I looked like a little kid driving my minivan.  Isn't she mean?  I think so too. 

This week though, I did feel old.  I will start from the beginning.  (If you're a guy, you might want to skip this post but since I'm writing it, you have my permission to read it!)  About a month ago (right before we were ready to move) I found a lump in my left breast.  I was one of those people that said I'm too busy to get it checked out, so I ended up waiting a month hoping that it would disappear.  Well, it didn't so I ended up having to get a mammagram.  For all of my friends who are in their 20's or 30's, I'm sure you've heard the horror stories like I have that having a mammagram is like laying your boob in the driveway and having your husband run over it with the car.  Well, I will put your minds at ease.  They are not that bad!  It's not pleasant, but it's not terrible either.  But I felt so old getting one done!

Monday, I tried to schedule my mammagram at my old hospital in Castleton and they said the first available was Friday, August 3rd!!  Hello?  I do not want to get a mammagram as a way to ring in getting one year older!!  Luckily, I was able to get into a wonderful hospital near our new house THE NEXT DAY!!  So, Tuesday I went and got a mammagram and an ultrasound.  After they did all that, they decided they wanted to get a tissue sample of the lump so right then I was able to get a needle biopsy.  I felt so blessed to be able to get it done all at one time.  They told me I would get my results back either Thursday or Friday.  Well, I got my results Wednesday and found out the lump is benign and I'm not due for another mammagram until I'm 40!  Praise God!  It was the best birthday gift I could have ever gotten!  If you are waiting on getting checked out, just do it!  You won't regret it.

I don't know if this is just routine for other people but it was a big deal for me!  You don't ever think of breast cancer when you are busy wiping poopy butts and cleaning up after the messiest eaters you've ever seen.  I had to start thinking about what my families life would be like if I wasn't in it.  It was in those moments when I knew that they would miss me terribly...and I do mean terribly.... but they would be okay.  It's because we all have some tremendous hopes that we can cling to.  First, we have the hope that because of our faith in God and his son Jesus Christ, we know that no matter what, we will see each other again.  Second, we believe that Heaven is going to be a way better place to live than this earth.  Isn't that encouraging?  Death can be a scary thing, but if you believe in Christ, it doesn't have to be.  You can be hopeful that your life will continue on in a PERFECT place.  Wow, that just blows my mind.  It was because of things like this and wonderfully supportive family that I didn't have a whole lot of fear through this whole thing.  I am just so thankful!! 

Has it really been a month???

Hey guys!  I can't believe it has been a month since my last post!  All I can say is whew, that was a BUSY month!  I'm tempted to lie and say that I am completely unpacked but I will say that I am 75% done, which is better than I expected!

Here's how the month has gone....we closed on the house and were able to move in on the 5th of July.  We didn't really get a chance to catch our breath or even set up our beds before we left for a week long vacation to Gatlinburg with Wes' family.  Not exactly the magical moving in moment that I pictured, but in the end it worked out great.  Wes' parents rented a huge cabin for all of us to stay in and it was so relaxing.  It was up in the Smokies and had a breath-taking view.  It rained quite a bit but that was nice because we were able to slow down and truly relax.  It didn't hurt that it also had a nice hot tub!   We got home on Friday and then were able to have a good weekend to start getting things unpacked.  I really made some headway when Mike and Mandy came over to help us!  The boys moved all the big stuff and the girls unpacked and organized.  Over the next two weeks, I have been slowly unpacking the rest of our stuff.

On the weekend of the 21st, my parents moved into the farm!  Let me tell you it wasn't the most fun moving someone else so soon after moving ourselves but hey, that's what family does!  And it really wasn't too bad! We also used their moving truck to move the rest of our stuff that we had stored on the farm back over to our new house so that was a nice perk!  I'm pretty sure it would have taken until Preston was 18 before I picked it all back up.  I am LOVING being 20 minutes away from my parents.  We haven't lived this close since I lived with them in high school.  We all thought this would never happen!  I used to beg them to move but it was never the right time.  Now, it all seems so surreal!  I have been over to the farm visiting for the past 5 days!  Oops!  My mom and I joke that we will get sick of each other pretty soon...so we'll see.

Our new house has had it's shares of ups and downs!  Ups are that we have painted Preston and Owen's bedrooms and also the kitchen and dining room.  We still have a bunch of rooms to go, but for now, I just walk into those rooms when I feel like we are behind and then I feel happy again.  The downs have been that I ended up flooding the upstairs bathroom because I did a bonehead move and removed what I thought was just part of the drain expcept it ended up being the whole drain!  OOPS!  So, when I drained the bathtub, I went downstairs and heard what sounded like a waterfall coming through to the downstairs bathroom.  Haha.  I ended up messing up the ceiling down there and right now if you go in there, you will see the ceiling covering they had all cracked and looking like it's about to fall in on you at any minute.  Owen refuses to go in there because he's afraid it's going to fall in on him.  It makes me laugh.  I can't help it.  I do feel bad about creating more work for my wonderful husband but since it happenned about 2 weeks ago, I can laugh about it.

I am planning on getting back on the ball with my blogging.  I want to show you all our pictures from our trip and also some pictures of the new house.  My beautiful little boy Preston will be going to his first day of Kindergarten tommorow so I will have a little bit more time on my hands!  And you don't even have to ask if I will cry on the first day.  The answer is yes.  I already cried like a baby tonight.  Wes just kept shaking his head and saying you do realize he comes home from school each day, right?  I know!  But then I started thinking about holding him in my arms in the hospital and how I thought this day would never come and things just started going downhill from there.  I'm a mess.  But I'm sure I'll recover by Friday because that's MY BIRTHDAY!!!  WHOO-HOO!!  I love birthdays!!  I'm so excited to be turning 21..........;)

Did any of you ever cry on your kids first day of school???  Comment and let me know so I don't feel like such a parenting cliche.