The Funeral

A great man deserves a great funeral. And let me tell you, I have never been to a funeral quite like Chucks! The military pulled out all of the stops and made this an event that I and many others will never forget. If we ever had any doubt that Chuck was loved by many, his funeral proved he was.

The funeral was held on the MacDill Air Force Base in Tampa. Friends and family from all over came to pay their final respects. Here are some pictures of the ceremony.

Bagpipes played as they escorted Chucks body into the chapel. Just hearing the bagpipes up close sent chills down your spine.

The body was draped in the American flag to honor Chuck as a true American hero. The base commander and also Chuck's squandron commander spoke about what a remarkable pilot he was. Chuck's brother James also spoke about his brother.

I told you all how strong my sister is, but I can't imagine how much courage it took for her to speak about the love of her life at his funeral. She also wore a dress and a ruby necklace that he had gotten her. She said she just wanted Chuck to be proud of her. She said beautiful words about him and I know he would be proud of her.

After my sister Sara spoke, my other sister Lindsay got up and sang Amazing Grace. This song has special meaning to Sara beacuse it is the song she sang at my grandpa's graveside a few years ago. The song took on even more meaning the night before Chuck died. We had all gathered because we knew it wouldn't be long. As we were all sitting around Chuck's bedside (there were about 15 of us...told you he was loved by many!) someone suggested that Sara sing a song. She sang Amazing Grace. While she was singing, Chuck began singing with her. You couldn't recognize his words but you could hear the melody in his voice as she sang. There wasn't a dry eye in the room. I will never be able to hear Amazing Grace again without being reminded of this moment.

After the service, we were given a police escort to the cemetary. It took about 8-10 motorcycle officers to stop traffic for the 30 minute drive. Picture what you would see if the president was in town and his motorcade were driving past. That is exactly what this was like. People stopped and just stared wondering who was being honored. A few motorists didn't realize what was going on and got the blowhorn siren from the police which made us all laugh.

Once we were at the cemetary, they did a 21 gun salute in Chuck's honor and gave the shell casings to Sara and his 3 children. They were also all given the flag in remembrance. The most amazing moment at the burial came when the type of plane that Chuck flew during his time in Iraq and Afghanistan did a fly over. I just pictured Chuck in the cockpit smiling down on everyone.

(This is a C-130)

After the funeral, we all gathered at a seaside restaurant on the base to just honor and celebrate Chuck's life. There was an open bar which I know he would have loved as well! The funeral had its sad moments but it was more of a celebration of a man who lived life hard and fast and had fun doing it! It was a great tribute!

Gone but Never Forgotten

The world lost a great man today. Chuck completed his courageous fight against cancer this afternoon. He was surrounded by his family and was able to transition to Heaven with some of the people who meant the most to him. What a beautiful man. He fought and fought until he could fight no longer. The cancer that ravaged his body may have won but he was able to effect hundreds of people with his courage and strength. He never gave up, even at the end. The hospice nurse said that he just kept fighting and fighting to hang on. I can only imagine what was on his mind. His wife. His children. Would they be alright without him?

He loved life. This man could not sit still. When I first met him I said to Sara, "Is he always like this?" I had never met anyone who just had to go, go, go. And now I know why. He may not have known it at the time, but he had a lot to accomplish in a short period of time. And the awesome thing is that he accomplished everything he set out to accomplish before he died.

You know when you are a kid and you see your elementary school teacher somewhere besides school and you think, "I didn't know that they ever left the school!" You just have them in one context and you don't really think of them in another? That's how it was for me with Chuck. He was my brother. He was the guy who loved the History Channel. He was the one who had answer for everything. He was the one who would encourage Wes and I with our boys because of his experience with his 3 children. He was the one who loved my sister. He was the one who taught my son to fish. Well, being here this past week, I have learned that I only knew half of him, probably the smaller half.

Chuck was a pilot in the Air Force. What I never realized is how much he loved it and how much they loved him. I'm pretty sure his love for the Air Force is a close second behind his love for his family. We have been able to meet countless friends from his squadron who can attest to the fact that he was an incredible pilot. But perhaps the best testimony to what a great pilot he was was his promotion this past week to Lieutenant Colonel. Now to bystanders such as myself, you might just shrug at this and think oh cool. That sounds official. It wasn't until someone explained to me that this promotion put his 5th from the top in rank. For a 36 year old man, this was an incredible feat. He was able to work his way to the top by his hard work and determination. He was presented with this promotion while he lay in his hospital bed and Sara said that it was an incredible moment. He hadn't been talking much but was able to come off with a beautiful polished speech between breaths that had everyone present in tears. He just loved his country and serving it. For a annoying little sister like myself, seeing your brother in a different light like this increased my respect for him 10 fold.

This week has been filled with so many ups and downs and incredible moments but the most incredible thing I have witnessed is my sister's love for Chuck. It is a love that will go down in the history books as legendary. I have no idea how these two were able to pack so much love in the 5 short years that they spent together. They could rival any couple who has been married 50 years plus. Seeing Sara care for her husband so tenderly, cradling him in her arms telling him it's time to go is something that has deeply affected me. I truly believe that they were created by God to meet each other in their times of need. Her time of need was when they met and his time of need came these last few years. What a testament to the care of God. Chuck loved Sara with all of his heart. Sara loved Chuck with more than all of her heart. He fought so hard for her. It was one of the greatest honors of my life to be a witness to the both of them.

The flag will be flying at half staff for the next two days on the base to honor our Chuck. The funeral will be on Wednesday or Thursday. I know Sara. She will be the strongest that I'm sure we've seen her in order to get through the funeral. She will be asking people how they're doing not knowing how worried people will be about her. But she is crushed. She has truly lost the love of her life. Just thinking about the future brings tears to my eyes. She has a wonderful network of friends and family that will care for her, but we're not Chuck. We will never be Chuck. And we know that we just have to meet her where she's at and just pick her up and carry her as long as she needs us to.

It's worth saying again. The world has lost a true hero. He will be greatly missed by all that he came in contact with. Rest in peace my dear brother. You came into our lives so quickly and left the same way. But you will never be forgotten.

Update on Chuck

Hi all- I am in Tampa with Sara. Below is an email update on how Chuck is doing. I know that she would appreciate any prayers you can send her way. These next few days, weeks and months are going to be tough for her. I know that once the activity is done and she is able to just relax, the heartache will set in even more than it already has. She has been unbelievably strong and courageous through this whole thing. Their love for each other (Chuck and Sara) is such a beautiful thing to behold. I will keep you all updated. ~Stacy

Dear Friends of Chuck and Sara,
Chuck and Sara have had a very difficult 2-3 weeks. On May 14th Chuck went into hospice care; he is currently resting at home and surrounded by people who love both of them, including Sara's mother Sandy and her two sisters Lindsay and Stacy, and Chuck's brother James and his mother Jamie. Chuck's 3 kids -- Jacob, Rachel, and Aaron -- were here for 3 days and they had a good last visit with their dad. They were also here when their dad was promoted to Lt. Colonel. This is something Chuck wanted so badly and the Air Force that Chuck loves so dearly made it happen that he received his promotion before he passed away. He was so happy. There was another ceremony today by Chuck's bedside as he received his second Meritorious Service Medal. Again, mountains were moved to make this happen while Chuck is alive. Yesterday, friends Brett and Lance made it happen for Chuck to get out on Tampa Bay for one last time; Chuck even caught a fish. I t is such a tribute to Chuck that so many people have stepped forward to make things happen and to ease the heartbreak. Both Chuck and Sara send you all their love and thank you for all your support. We expect the end to be in the next few days. Please keep the two of them in your thoughts and prayers.

Owen: My little gardener and resident cheeseball

Hello cutie.

The boys were having fun planting the garden.

And posing for pictures.

Yes, Owen has no fear of the camera.

Gardening: it's hard to do with your blankie, but it's gotta be done.

Tell him. Tell her.

(Note: As I write personal posts like this, please don't think that I am putting myself out as the example. I'm just trying to live my life and pass along things that I have learned along the way.)

I don't know if this has ever happened to you, but this used to happen to me when I first got married; I would catch Wes looking out into space, looking particularly thoughtful. Here's what I thought was going on in his head:

Stacy's version of Wes' head: Wow, I am a lucky guy! I am married to a great wife, I have a blessed life. I should do something special to show her exactly how I feel. Maybe roses? No, she might prick her finger and I would do anything to keep her from pain. How about a cruise? No, that's not special enough and she might get sea sick! I think maybe a trip to Europe is in order. I will surprise her for our one year anniversary....yes, that's what I will do.

Real version in Wes' head: Wow, I am a lucky guy! I married a great girl. And she can cook! Haha. That's funny now she has the last name of Cook. Too bad she doesn't make Chinese food though. It's her one flaw. Man, I love Chinese buffets. I always eat too much though and then I regret it. I keep burping it for days. But that bourbon chicken is really good. Oh and I love that General Tso's too! Maybe I should have been born in China.

Then comes the inevitable question from me, "What are you thinking about sweetie?" "Oh nothing," he says. But determining he had to be thinking about me, I would say "I want to know what's going on in your head! Please tell me what you're thinking!" Alright, he says.

"Chinese food."

"Chinese food?? Are you serious?? Do you always think about Chinese food? You need to start thinking about more important things....like our LLLIIIIVVVEEESSSS!!! (Door slam).

And there Wes sits shaking his head wondering what in the world just happened. Maybe you haven't been through this exact situation, but I can guarantee that if you have been married for any period of time, you have been the victim of this phenomenon.

Unspoken Expectations.

They can crop up at any moment and rear their ugly heads. It may be in the way your husband or wife responds to you during an argument. You expected them to treat you one way and they treated you a different way. It could be that they didn't realize that your plans were ruined when they came home late from work. Maybe it's that they don't say I love you enough or maybe they say it too much. Maybe one person feels like they are stuck doing all the work around the house while the other one goes off to play golf. We all come into relationships with our little lists of what we think our husbands and wives will be like. We also have a mental picture of how our lives will run on a daily, monthly or yearly basis. And when things don't turn out the way that we expect them to, whoa, watch out! Call the fire department! We are on fire!

I can't tell you how many times I have heard the following things:
"Well, I shouldn't have to tell her it hurts my feelings, she should already know."
"I told him two years ago that this is what I expected. I shouldn't have to keep reminding him."
"I just wish I could find someone who is more in tune to my needs."
"Maybe we shouldn't stick together because we are not on the same page anymore."

Have you ever stopped to think how selfish these attitudes are? Why is life suddenly all about us and our needs? And since when is it okay to throw away a relationship because the person just isn't meeting our needs? Relationships are about two people...not one!!

So, I propose a change needs to be made in the way we deal with one another. If your wife does something that bothers you, tell her. If your husband gets home from work late and ruins your plans, tell him. If you have an expectation that on your birthday you need to have a party complete with circus animals, let your spouse know this.

Let's stop being so mad at one another and take a hard look at ourselves and say "Well, was this a need that I expressed to him as being important?" And if you didn't, it's time to let him know! Don't be mad because he should JUST KNOW. Men are not mind readers.

In anticipation of this whole situation, I told Wes that this Mother's Day it would be really nice if he could make an extra effort to make it special. Not saying that he hasn't made this day special in the past but at this point in my life, I am feeling worn down. I need a day where someone takes time to say "Hey, we really appreciate you and love you." So, I didn't want the day to slip away and Wes possibly to forget (again, not saying he would have). I just don't want to ever set my husband up to fail. That's why I always remind him of birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas, you name it. Because I know I would be hurt if he forgot one of these dates and I want to give him a fair shot.

In the end, I think we all owe it to each other to give one another a fair shot at success. So, next time your husband or wife does something that upsets you, please don't shove it down into your mental filing cabinet to be pulled out at a later date as ammunition. Tell him. Tell her.

Happy 30th Birthday Wes!!

In honor of Wes' 30th birthday, I wanted to write him a tribute blog. Let me warn you, there may be ups and downs as you read this. You may shed tears of joy and tears of sadness as you read this. All in about the span of two minutes. Kind of like a bad Lifetime movie. You ready?

Wes and I met our freshman year of college. I was with my roommate visiting a church in Anderson when in walked in a blond haired, blue-eyed, tall, husky, not quite muscular beauty. He changed my life! After he swept me off of my feet, we spent the next 4 years of college by each other's side. We loved our college years. Wes would finish my food, my sentences and would take me on dates to the computer lab on Friday nights. Everything was perfect.

One of the conversations we had as we realized the next step was marriage for us was about our family. How many children would we have? Would they have big heads like Wes with skinny bodies like mine? Would I stay home with our kids or work? How would we afford it? During that time of discussions, two things happened that I believe changed the course of our early marriage and subsequently our lives:

1.) Wes started working a factory job during our senior year. He made a pretty decent salary and he saved it all. It was hard to watch him work so hard and get so little sleep. But he was setting the foundation for our lives together.

2.) We decided once I started working after graduation, all of my money made would go straight into savings. I wouldn't see a dime. We would live off of his income only and all the money I made would go to fund us during the time where I wouldn't be working and would be taking care of our kids.

Once we go married, we stuck fiercely to these. Wes worked hard, and I saved all I got. I know I am here today because of the sacrifices we made early on. I hope you don't see this as me bragging. I just want to give props to one of the people who taught me that good things come to those who wait. Wes got a lot of flack in high school and college for being cheap. But as I look back at our lives together, I wouldn't change a thing. I hope he feels the same way.

When it came time for us to have our children, I told my mom I was worried that he wouldn't be as into it as I was. Boy was I wrong! The second I had Preston, he snatched him out of my hands and I have yet to get him back. And I love that! I love that he is so hands-on. He's not too proud to change diapers, get thrown-up on, or help someone up after they have fallen. He is right there to play with the boys, to teach them new things and to guide them in the right direction if they are misbehaving (which they never do by the way).

As a husband, I hoped that the man I met in college would be the man that he would always be. But he has changed. I have seen him come into his own. He went from a boy who would sleep through his alarm clock to a man that jumps up quickly to turn off the alarm so he doesn't wake me up. He has gone from a boy who holds back when it came to projects because he thinks he doesn't know what he's doing to someone who takes on home improvment projects and car fixing projects head on. He is so loving and so kind. I just can't express that enough! We don't fight very often. I would love to say the reason we don't is because I'm so likable but that would be a lie. It's because he respects me as we fight. He has never called me names or belittled me or tried to break my spirit. Things don't usually end up in giant fights because his cool head doesn't allow them to escalate. Even when we do fight I can feel his love coming through.

Lastly, I have seen Wes become a wonderful spiritual leader for our home. I have seen him go from going to church on Sunday's to now seeing his faith permeate his whole life. He has a huge desire to know more about God and His plan for the world. I have seen his love for people grow. I have seen him become more generous towards others because he has realized that all we have is from God anyway.

Wes, you have no idea how much you mean to me. I never imagined the life I have with you would be so wonderful. You have made the 11 years or so that I have known you the best of my life. Happy 30th birthday!

10 things I'm learning, cont.

**I had so much fun writing my last top 10 list that I thought I might try it again! Goodness knows I have enough material these days.**

1. No matter how exhausted I am, if I have told my child something, I have to follow through. I have been struggling with consistency in punishments since Cameron came along. I will tell Preston and Owen if they do X, Y or Z, I will do A, B or C to them. The problem is when they test me, which you better believe they do, sometimes I am just sooo tired. The thought of following through with the punishment is tough! Someone once told me before you start to discipline your child, think : "Is this the hill I want to die on?" Meaning, is this issue important enough for me to fight with my child tooth and nail until I win? If it's not, don't even go there. This saying has saved me from overreaction a lot!

2. When I find money in the laundry, this money no longer belongs to the family as a whole. It now belongs to me and will go in a fund called "Keep Stacy Sane." The money will be used to buy a McDonald's coke or perhaps even a Chick Fil'a milkshake if I find a lot of money!

3. When you have older siblings, the typical floor-mat that a baby plays on becomes an "put up-on-the-ottoman-so-that-your-siblings-don't-accidentally-step-on-you-and-re-arrange-your-face-mat." And then when Cameron starts rolling over, we are going to have to change the name to "good-thing-I-didn't-fall-on-my-head-when-I-fell-off-the-ottoman-mat." Don't even think about stealing these names, by the way. I have them trade-marked and submitted to Fisher Price. I'm still waiting to hear back.

4. If you are going on a trip, double or triple check your packing before you go or you will end up like we did this past weekend. Preston ended up wearing Owen's jeans because I forgot his, they both didn't have socks and also didn't have winter coats. Just because it's warm in Indiana doesn't meant that Michigan is going to be warm. I pretty much avoided eye contact with anyone that weekend for fear they would turn me into child services!

5 Also, take this next travel tip to heart. If you are changing your babies diaper in the car, don't do it on your lap! While I was changing Cameron, he was kind enough to give me 2 warning farts before he pooped all over me. Thankfully I had my hand there so he filled up my hand with poop and didn't stain my clothes. Haven't I told you how thoughtful he is?

6. You can hope and wish all you want that your children will love each other and share and do all the other things that good siblings do, but it isn't magic. It's something that takes practice because let's face it; little brothers are annoying. That's just the way it is! One of the things that has helped the boys get along better is to share a room with each other. Do they annoy and cry and scream about it? You bet! But it's those times where they are supposed to be sleeping but instead are both sitting in one of their beds together reading that makes you know you're doing the right thing.

7. I thought I learned this, but I guess I'm just too dense to get the lesson. Don't make plans. They never work out. Last night the kids were in bed by 7:45pm so Wes and I had a nice night planned of watching a movie and just relaxing. We were so excited! But by the time all was said and done, Owen was up with a fever, throwing up all over the place. So, instead of a calm evening spent together, this whole family of 5 ended up sleeping in the same room hoping that we wouldn't get puked on. So much for plans.

8. This may get me barred from all mom's groups from here to Timbuktu but I'm going to say it anyway. TV is my friend. TV keeps my kids occupied when I can't stand to hear anymore whining, complaing or fighting. And now is when I'm supposed to say that there are some really great educational programs out there...yada yada yada. When you were little, did you only watch PBS? I don't think so. So, people, I think we need to get over ourselves, give ourselves a break or whatever we need to do and not feel guilty when we slap on a Disney movie or something that is just for fun!

9. I have learned that the more kids we have, the more we turn into a giant freakshow. My sister Lindsay calls us because she can't believe some of the stories I tell. It's like a car accident. You know you shouldn't stare but you just can't help it. And my sister Sara doesn't call for the exact same reason. Haha. Just kidding Sar!

10. On a more serious note, I am reminded daily that God is the One providing for our needs. I know many people who are nervous about having more children because of the financial burden. I understand that. And I also understand that God wants us to be smart about how we plan. But sometimes I wonder if we go too far and take all of the control out of God's hands (if that were possible) in the name of being "smart." As I'm given 2 bottles of detergent from a friend that doesn't need it anymore, I'm reminded that God provides for us. As my neighbor who works at Frito-Lay stops over with 3 huge bags of chips, 36 individual bags and two boxes of the peanut butter crackers that Owen loves, I am reminded that God provides for us. I chose to live my life looking for these moments.